Towards A Desired Outcome
and remembering there is no final outcome
This is part three of a series of briefing notes for an upcoming family meeting. You can find Part One and Part Two.
What is the desired outcome for your family?
There was quite a bit of money focus in the first two posts. Today, I’d encourage you to step outside the family budget. Think about what you wish for everyone in your family tree.
To understand my answer, let’s bring back an extract from our family values statement…
All members should be providers for themselves and their dependents as best they can in the lives they choose to lead.
Taking time to discuss and write down the answer for your family helps. With a clear idea on the ultimate outcome, I find a lot of noise falls away.1
When I’m well-rested, calm and thinking straight… achieving the family’s goals is simple.
Equip ourselves with the skills necessary to self-direct our lives.
Let everyone experience the benefits, and natural consequences, of their choices.
Parents and grandparents will think the above applies only to “the children.”
That’s a missed opportunity.
Up, and down, the family tree there are opportunities to let members live the life they choose to lead.
Eat the meal they choose to eat.
Take the action they choose to take.
Say the words they choose to say.
…and the individual will have the opportunity to learn from the natural consequences of their choices.
The above is what growing up is all about.
…and removes the opportunity for “but you told me to it.”
Life Skills
Consider:
What choices have worked well for our family, over time?
Where do we belong as a family?
What choices have been transformational?
What choices have been disasters?
While it’s tempting to cite family history and rehash the poor choices of others…
…at 55, I’ve lived every poor choice of my ancestors (as a result of my own choices!). It’s the fastest way to learn.
We all make mistakes. The key is learning from them.
There’s Nothing At The Finish Line
Daily exercise has proved transformational for every member of our family.
This is separate from outcome.
Worth exploring this point.
Ask an exerciser “why” and we get different answers:
Lose weight
Eat more
Look better
Get faster
Feel stronger
Slow aging
The benefit from the action is: (1) all of the above and (2) none of the above.
Achieving ALL of the above still means… we need to exercise daily.
Achieving NONE of the above… outwardly continue to look and perform the same… we achieve material inward benefits.
We achieve “everything” to discover we need to keep going.
It applies to more than exercise.
Finding Our People
Parts One & Two shared ideas about noticing where we might not belong.
Today, I encouraged you to talk with your family about the best non-financial decisions you’ve made.
I shared our experience that, across three generations, daily exercise has been transformational => regardless of outcome.
What else is transformational => regardless of outcome?2
Ask each other.
Those are important things to notice.
Aside from our spouse, everyone is going to come-and-go => our teachers, gurus and favorite people.
Even if they stick around, we are going to change, and change each other. It is inevitable, we will become the people we hang out with.
The best decision I made was marrying a kind athlete with high standards.
How might we increase the odds of more good decisions happening?
Tilting the odds is a game of environmental management.
That’s the topic for next week.
So much over management happens up-and-down the family tree. One of the gifts of teens is their skill in pointing out our limiters and errors.
Another thing that’s improved my life, independent of outcome => Improving my ability to not-respond. Not-responding increases the problems we never see. Much of what makes a relationship special is characterized by what isn’t there.