The Supermajority Clause
The Supermajority Clause
Creating A Habit Of Better Thinking
For my family life, I have an investment committee in my head.
The permanent members are my three kids.
When I have an idea that will impact them, I need to convince two of them to vote in favor.
Family decisions require a supermajority.
Halfway through the Pandemic, I found myself planning how to dismantle my family life.
I realized this was an unproductive line of thinking.
Having a bad idea, or a negative emotion, is common.
Feelings, come and go.
What was different was the progression from Idea to Planning.
Feeling => Emotion => Idea => Planning… without me noticing.
Disastrous action (!) was prevented by a process I’ll share today.
Feeling - Emotion - Idea - Planning - Action
At the start of 2023 my son asked, “Dad, how you doing?”
I told him that 2022 had been one of the best years of my life and thanked him for being a great kid.
I shared that 2021 had been one of the most difficult years of my life and I’d been struggling.1
He thought about it and told me I seemed the same.
His observation was spot on.
The difference between
A best year, and
A worst year
Is in my head.
Now, positive change wasn’t all mindset.
Towards the end of 2021, we made small changes in our marriage.2
In March of my “best year” I shared my prescription for self-improvement.
In April, I made a 1000-day commitment to get back in shape.
The point: A major change in the quality of my life was invisible to the people I was living with.
What it took:
Minor Scheduling Changes
An Engaging Project
Social Connection
If you catch yourself considering a choice with the risk of:
Detonating Your Career
Dismantling Your Family
Ending Your Marriage…
I hope you’ll apply the Supermajority Clause.
Pause
Consider what your kids would want
This mindset takes a lot of bad ideas off the table.
With the bad ideas gone, you’ll be free to come up with something useful.
Under duress, the option to tear down seems attractive.
Once I reframed my situation into coming up with a plan my kids would support:
My life was not better.
But my thinking was.
With better thinking:
I started small changes that moved me towards better.
I avoided drastic changes that would have made things worse.
Make major decisions slowly.
Feeling - Emotion - Idea - Planning - Action
Before acting, talk it over with the most sensible people you know3.
Everybody has bad ideas
If you notice the shift to planning then PAUSE
Have a word with someone wise4
Don’t make permanent decisions on the basis of temporary feelings.
Change Slowly
I teach my kids it’s normal to experience a range of emotions and challenges. No Secrets.
I wrote an article on marriage during my difficult year. The changes we made were small with large positive impacts.
I have a virtual Men’s Group consisting of a few friends who’ve known me for many years. Scott and Jeff played a valuable role in getting my head on straight - thanks guys.
What Would Better Look Like? Notes from a visit to one of my wisemen.