Personal Review Template
Personal Review Template
Towards A Self-Directed Life
Just like we did with the Financial Review Template, I’ll pull everything into one place.
If you like what you read here then I wrote a PDF called Live Long & Prosper that goes deeper.
When I was younger, I would undertake an annual deep dive. I’d go somewhere without an internet hook-up and no telephone. I’d start the process by sitting down and taking a time inventory.
A time inventory is what it sounds like. Over the prior year… How did I spend my days, weeks and months? The fundamental question I want to answer… Am I OK with my allocation?
To help answer The Question, I would write out my plan for the following year. Here are the headers…
Big Picture (3-4 most important things)
Key Likes (3-4 areas that most drive my personal satisfaction)
Geography (where I will spend my time — key due to all my travel)
Body — key points for my body
Mind — key points for mind/knowledge/education
Spirit — when and how I will rest (from training, from work, from everything)
Places I want to visit
Personal Asset Allocation (today, five year, ten year)
Next twelve month expense projection
Next twelve month income projection
Personal Top Ten List — the ten most important things in my life that require focus, effort and time
Actions — what actions/habits are most important
Hazards — what items need to be watched to avoid roadblocks
In the process of doing this review, the answers tend to reveal themselves:
Are my efforts aligned with my goals?
Are my goals consistent with my main satisfaction drivers?
Planning in 2000 vs 2024
The list (above) has shortened over the last 25 years.
We decided to live in one place (Boulder, Colorado). That decision was a significant change from the start of our marriage. 2000-2008 was a time when I felt free to live anywhere in the world. Over the first ten years of our marriage, I gradually figured out how to make Colorado work.
By committing, I freed my mind from looking elsewhere for happiness.1
Live in a place you don’t need to leave.
Family Calendar
I used to plan my calendar up to three (!) years in advance.
Then our kids arrived.
Then they grew up and developed interests of their own.
As a result, our calendar populates itself before my wife and I insert our own ideas.
Having family dictate our calendar was one of the surprises of parenthood that was entirely predictable.
Sports schedules of athletic kids dominate the family calendar.
Family Finances
Compounding works.
Being 25 years further along, and applying the financial principles from two weeks ago, has given us more leeway.
More financial leeway, but less time flexibility within the calendar.
Soon the kids will grow up and we’ll have more flexibility but less energy (as we’ll be older).
Another predictable outcome, and a good reason to maintain our health & strength through mid-life.
These days, my financial monitoring is more general, than specific. I pay attention to steering clear of ruin, and cash crunches. The month-to-month cash flow statement is less important than when we were constrained (2009-2013).
Setting Priorities
My Top Ten list has shortened to three items. Doing things well, is more important than doing a lot of things. One of the blessings of parenthood is our difficulties nudge us towards setting priorities.
I explained my current system in an article about time management. At any given time, I'm working on a maximum of three things. Everything else is written down for later, put to one side and probably not getting done.
My strategy frees the mind to focus on what matters. I did a video about this as it relates to sport. It’s the same thing for creativity and generating great ideas in other fields.
Couples Retreats
In 2004, I had been rolling my personal planning system for 5 years, when I met my wife. At first, we simply did what I wanted to do. Fortunately, over time, I realized it would be more effective to create a life together.
At that point, we started doing Couples Retreats. If you want a strong marriage then this is a valuable tool.
I’ll let my younger self explain. I wrote this 12 years ago. I had extended a work trip by 2 days and my wife flew out to join me. At the time, we were in a family cash crunch and I had a rolling 12-month cash flow statement I was using to make sure we didn’t run out of money.
We head off, just the two of us, and spend 48 hours together. I (try to) pull the plug on the internet and she gets to choose all our workouts. We get a heck of a lot done and it's an effective tool for our marriage.
M flew down to Tucson on Monday - which gave me 24 hours to clear my inbox before pulling the plug on the net for the next 48 hours.
Tip #1: Don't let the office (in my case the internet) reach you when you are on a couples retreat. It's only 48 hours, they will be OK.
One of the golden rules of our marriage is "clear small issues while they are small" - I tend to steamroll through life, especially when pushed, so we've fallen into a pattern that seems to be effective for us...
I present the issues and various options.... M thinks things over and comes back with ideas after I have settled down and am not so attached to the plan that I presented.
I'll illustrate with how we tackled finances - a topic that can cause stress due to our emotional connections to money.
The first thing we did was gather up all the financial information required to make a budget for the next 12 months (April to March). I then whipped up a summary that showed everything line-by-line and we reviewed each line figuring out where we could save, or where the expense was unnecessary. We split up the agreed points that required action.
The next day we took action! Calls were made, bills were cut, services were renegotiated. Our "retreats" are where we take action free from the distractions of kids, work and family obligations. It's a working holiday. Probably a good thing that our "long weekend" together was Monday to Wednesday.
Tip #2 - Sort your present finances, first.
Tip #3 - Demonstrate to your partner how they have a stake in future financial prudence.
When we laid everything out, it became clear that a big part of our spending was tied to me, not Monica. I earn most the money in our relationship so it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that I don't spend anything. It's also easy to undervalue the contribution that Monica makes to our lives by taking the lead with our daughter.
She didn't point any of that out to me - rather she said that she didn't need some discretionary expenses that I had added to the budget. We took 15% out of our expenses the next morning and it's the closest that I've been to financial balance since 2008.
++
Those of you with young kids will know that they take a ton of time and energy. Whenever we visit friends, they are amazed at how much we sleep. This trip was the same, with naps and long nights of sleep.
The sleep, mixed with AM/PM training sessions, had us both feeling relaxed and in love with each other - the perfect mood for sorting out our life plan.
Other areas of potential friction are: vacations schedules; travel schedules; hours spent at work; hours spent on sport; contribution to the household; spending time with family...
The main area that we need to watch is my time away from home. I travel a lot. If I am traveling for work, Monica knows that she has a stake in that. If I am on a solo vacation... ...it is less clear why that makes sense for her.
Tip #4 - get your potential friction points out in the open and talk about them in a low-stress environment.
Within our marriage, we don't keep score and we each let the other person change their mind. In fact, M often waits until she's sure that I'm planning to do something before offering her opinion.
I can't remember either of us ever saying "but we agreed that already"... if something is on the other partner's mind then it's fair game for discussion.
++
Summing Up:
Make time for just the two of you.
Go to an inexpensive place were you won't be disturbed.
Share things that you both like doing.
Each person get to run through their "list".
Deal with finances, family and time -- these seem to be the issues that create underlying stress.
Focus on the near term, and the long term.
Agree points, take action, follow up.
Have fun, don't keep score.
Next year is our 20th Wedding Anniversary. There’s a lot of value, and conflict not experienced, in the method I laid out.
I’ve Got My Plan, What Next?
The short answer: take one-positive-step to start each day.
The long answer follows, my younger self, again.
– So you have your priorities set. How do you break down the year into sections that you review? You mentioned in one post that only after six months do you have enough time to actually track meaningful progress. How do you establish a feedback loop? Are there people involved?
I try to do 1-3 things in each 6-12 month block and I make it really simple. Successful people have the ability to consistently focus on a limited number of things. The high achievers I work with can tell you exactly what they are trying to do (Clarity) and structure their lives to get it done (Simplicity).
When I work with folks that struggle to get stuff done, it’s nearly always because they are seeking to achieve a shopping list of items. Just because it’s simple, doesn’t mean it’s easy. Let’s use me for an example in three areas.
What you are going to see is three areas, each with three actions. That’s a lot to remember.
Athletic Performance:
Train Daily
Get Up Before 7AM
Don’t Drink
If I can do that then there’s only a handful of masters athletes who are likely to beat me. Clearly it takes much more than three items to perform. That’s true but I already know what it takes. In triathlon, I need to focus on the items that might screw up my ability to perform. So my athletic performance list is really a “not to do” list.
Financial Security:
Spending < Earnings2
Fear Debt
Establish/Maintain a Margin of Safety
The first two points cover what’s required to run into trouble in life – excessive spending and leverage. The final point is the most fundamental aspect of investing (and life). The Key Five of Investing (see here & here) are my way of ensuring that I have a suitable margin of safety.
Successful Marriage:
Be Kind
Create Frequent Opportunities for Communication
Share Fun Stuff
We avoid friction by doing the opposite of what causes friction.
Working towards goals shapes the life I want to lead.
Why do we have goals? It’s not about the goal. It’s about enjoying the lifestyle implied by the goal My life satisfaction is linked with knowing I’m on the path, rather than hitting the destination. Simple, clear goals enable me to feel like I am making daily progress.
At times, I can miss my former life as an elite athlete. I used to think I missed the training. With the benefit of a several years of perspective, I’ve realized I miss the clarity of purpose and daily small victories. The most rewarding periods of my life have been characterized by clarity of purpose and simplicity in execution.3
This year, I’ve had two planning sessions. One with my wife when she was at Masters Nationals and the other solo on a training camp with friends. On both these trips, I was careful to avoid getting “too tired” to think.
It’s not just athletes who get too tired to care.
Having a searchable personal diary going back dawn of the internet is valuable. Write your best ideas down in a format where you can review and look for repeating themes over time.
Next time, I’ll share what came out of my 2024 sessions.
If commitment works for home geography then imagine what it can do for our relationships.
The lesson: skills learned in non-threatening parts of our lives can transfer to the most important (and emotionally charged) areas of our lives.
My desire to avoid operating cash flow deficits has changed with time. Years ago, I made a decision to run a cash flow deficit in exchange for more self-directed time.
I made a choice to give my kids time now (which they love) rather than money later (which they should earn for themselves). I put my wife in a position to do the same thing.
I wrote this sentence on December 9, 2010. It took until April 26, 2022 to have the ability (or courage) to act on what I already knew. Glad I got my act together. My life improved rapidly when I embraced what my journalling suggested I do.