Master of Change
Much of coaching, and parenting, has a psychological component. Brad’s last book The Practice of Groundedness1 makes an excellent Life Coaching manual. It was great and I recommend it to you.
Brad’s latest, Master of Change, has a different vibe. It reads more like a conversation, with a ton of interesting anecdotes and stories.
My wife’s review…
The book will make you feel less alone with the thoughts in your head.
I’m going to pull key concepts out of the book and share my own stories about how they are relevant to family leadership.
Let Me Introduce You To T.I.N.A.
Brad writes about the inescapability trigger. This reminded me of a favorite phrase from the Thatcher Era…
There Is No Alternative2
Four years ago, I removed the equivalent of 4,000 annual hours of family assistance. You’ll find the article here. At the time, I had removed 75% of “the staff.” A few months later, covid cleared out the rest. We were left with no alternative.
When we fully commit to difficult things, we may find our lives don’t become any more difficult.
Worth reading that twice. Difficulties are largely in our head.
Inverting…
My life was no worse when I removed the things I thought were helping.
The lesson applies to many habits:
Anger
Alcohol
Drugs
Overeating
Facilitating Addiction
If we want to drive change then leaving ourselves no alternative is effective.
There Is No Easy Way
Another saying that has a Thatcher/Churchillian vibe…
No Easy Way
Brad’s interpretation is expressed in a wonderful equation:
Satisfaction = Reality - Expectations
Looking at the equation… Brad points out that allowing tragic optimism to lower expectations can have positive effects on our ultimate satisfaction.
The way we would apply this could be summed up as…
This is likely to suck but let’s not be in a rush to get to the difficult bits.
Look Where You Want To Go
If you ride bikes then you’ve probably heard this one before.
I took the lesson off the bike and brought it into my family. The article is called, say what you want to have happen.
Brad introduces the reader to an Eastern Concept called Zanshin, relaxed awareness. This state is more expansive than looking where we want to go. It’s the ability to look beyond the landing as well as around ourselves.
In my life, this attitude reflected by pausing to consider:
Then What?
I Want This Because…
Late-summer I shared a series about Creating The Life You Desire.
The series is a good one but…
Then What?
Why Do You Desire it?
Will Achieving The Goal Make It Better?
I have such a clear idea about where I want to go… it can impair my satisfaction with where I am.
I’m often dissatisfied with the present moment. The source of this dissatisfaction has little to do with the present. It comes from a future-focused attitude.
Identity
The final theme I enjoyed was identity. Brad writes of the wisdom of having a diverse and flexible sense of self.
Pay attention as you age and you will feel a pull backwards. The pull is towards identities, people and places where we had peak experiences. This is what I feel when it comes to athletics. A persistent desire to get back to how I lived my late-30s, the most satisfying period of my life.
Time offers us an opportunity to add new identities to our lives. Internally, I don’t want to add any identities. What I’d like to do is get back to my favorite one, super athlete.
I have yet to find much satisfaction from a balanced approach to any subject that engages me. Brad would advise me, that’s OK. Go deep, just don’t go all-in with identity.3
The book ends with a reminder that the glass is already broken.
The parable Brad shares is one that’s guided my life for more than 20 years.
You can find my thread on The Practice of Groundedness here.
TINA dates back to at least the 1960s. If you include Cortés’ “Burn The Ships” then the approach is more than 500 years old.
A seasonal focus on excellence is an effective way to diversify identity. Take off-seasons, short & long, to create space for new initiatives and diversification of identity. Nils van der Poel (mentioned in Chapter Three) told me he retired twice before undertaking the journey that led to Olympic gold and two world records.
Nice overview with a nice, straightforward approach with tons of wisdom packed into a few sentences. Brothers from another life 🤙