Three years ago (next week) I sat down with Rich Roll and explained how I was going to change my life.
I also explained my experience with a disconnect between external success and inward dissatisfaction.
The years since my conversation with Rich have been transformational. From the outside, my life is the same.
Same Wife
Same House
Same Kids
Same Routine (train, work, admin, sleep)
Same Screen Time
What’s different is I stopped using my situation as an excuse for what I wanted to do.1
How can we do this for you?
Well…
I came across a book that makes a similar case. As a bonus, it contains a simple program to better direct ourselves.
I still make choices that end up being less fun than I expected. The book contained a couple of exercises to help me connect the dots. In doing the exercises, I was reminded of previous notes I had written to myself (and shared with you).
When you have moments of insight, write them down.
Around the time I turned 50, I was ready for positive change. Back then, I thought the solution was getting really strong and learning how to ski. It worked for a while but proved to be a temporary solution. Becoming exceptionally strong, and a great skier, took a lot of time but the melancholy feelings returned.
My answer was in a note I wrote to myself. If I had paid better attention (seven years ago) then I could have solved my funk with minor changes within my existing life (which was awesome).
The themes that bring me serenity haven’t changed much since I realized them around the time of my 30th birthday.
Spend time to learn your success themes.
I review my themes when I’m planing out my year (link to Review Templates).
The book talks about a Success Checklist - a simple reminder each of us can fit on a Post-It note. We run our ideas past the checklist and see if it’s going to check the boxes.
Here’s my list from 2018 => do the book exercises to help figure out your own.
Daily Effort
Seeking Mastery
Exposure to Nature
Connection to Others
When an aspect of my life is generating conventional success (money, attention, recognition) but NOT generating internal satisfaction then an element of my Success Checklist is not being met.
An example is being a bestselling author or expert. If I set my life up to pontificate… without direct connection… then my need for connection won’t be met.
I need to get out from behind the screen and interact with people.
Another example: Turn the clock back to when I was working in finance. Finance is a job with great people (4), daily effort (1) and the potential for mastery (2). However, there’s no connection to nature.
That might explain the overwhelming urge to get outside and escape from a wonderfully flexible life, that paid me a lot of money.
Those are my needs - what matters is surfacing your own.
Small changes can have large effects.
Undones, Excuse Lists & Avoiders
This section reminded me of Time Management for Mortals (link is to my review).
The exercise was to make three lists:
Undones
Excuses List
Avoiders
Undones are everything that weighs on our mind.
The Time Management book suggested splitting this list and keeping no more than three items on a Closed To-Do List (the one you’ll actually be working on).
The Open To-Do List is where we put everything else, thereby freeing our minds to do the work that’s most important to us.
My favorite list was The Excuses List. Having a habit of keeping small promises to myself, the excuses list was an eye opener. As soon as I wrote down what was preventing action on my undones, my motivation for action increased. I had to get up and act, before returning to the book. Fabulous technique.
Avoiders are things we do to avoid taking action on our undones. Here are my big three:
Snack (there’s an empty bowl of popcorn on my desk as I type this)
Social Media (which was checked before I started this)
Email (been dealing with this for 15 years, link is the 1,000-day review I did in 2013 (!) after shifting to Inbox Zero)
Avoiders keep us stuck at OK.
There’s nothing wrong with spending time snacking, scrolling and emailing…
But…
Those actions will not get me past OK.
Purpose Statement
Towards the end of the book, there’s an exercise to create a Purpose Statement drawing on all the work you will have done.
Help people with the capacity to change, while staying true to my success checklist.
My definition of people, starts with myself.
Pay attention to what’s happening when you experience moments that make your brain say… this is what I want to do with my life.
I’ve been having those moments all year.
They are available to you, too.
I’ve made a habit of repeating those words to my wife.
It also helped that our kids grew up. The kids are still with us but one has a driver’s license and the other two have become skilled at independent living. The time crunch of living with little ones is real, and temporary.
Gordo, I just need to say that reading your words has to be one of the best parts of my day. In my thirties and I’m having all these thoughts that I often can’t put into words (or action) and then I read your posts and its like reading my inner monologue in a very concise and succinct manner. Thank you for sharing!
Echoing what David and Iñaki have said, the lessons you generously share with us are life changing. Even if it's just one small change at a time, it all adds up.