Enhancement vs Replacement
The Passion of Resentment
Nothing on earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment.
~Friedrich Nietzsche
When I was in my 40s, this topic used to get me upset. Back then, I used to talk things out with a good friend, KP, and his observation has always stuck with me…
You’re right but you might feel differently about that later.
Well, later has arrived and KP was right. I feel differently about certain experiences I had in my elite career.
Monica read an early draft of this article, which she described as “heavy.” I have lighter fare in the queue for next week, so bear with me. I think these topics (death, aging, cheating) are important for families to discuss openly. At home, my role is facilitating difficult discussions and, when something heavy happens, I’m on point.
I hope this helps you and your family.
Deception
Whenever we feel deceived, start by asking what we wanted from the situation.
Many people (around my age) felt deceived by cycling. If you’re younger, you might have heard there was a big doping scandal that brought down all our favorite riders. I never pinned down exactly what I wanted from the guys. Perhaps it was disappointment realizing they were operating with a different values system. Maybe it was all the lying. But plenty of people lie and it doesn’t bother me anywhere near as much.
From that era, Lance had a victory speech that was a wonderful paradox - being true and false, at the same time.
He said…
Finally, the last thing I'll say to the people who don't believe in cycling, the cynics and the sceptics: I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry that you can't dream big. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles. But this is one hell of a race. This is a great sporting event and you should stand around and believe it. You should believe in these athletes, and you should believe in these people. I'll be a fan of the Tour de France for as long as I live. And there are no secrets — this is a hard sporting event and hard work wins it. So Vive le Tour forever!
The greatest athletic miracle of my life was Lance’s return to cycling. That’s the true part.
Also true is the essential nature of hard work - I emphasize work to every athlete who approaches me. Separate from all the noise around cheating… we have to love doing work. To succeed, build a life that supports doing work.
However… believing a pro cyclist (of that era), definitely false. Cycling is a subculture filled with secrets.
But it’s like that in many subcultures. There is a mixture of true & false.
Closer to home, I had an experience finishing second to an athlete who’d had a positive test ignored. It was a race I wanted to win. In that case, it was clear what I wanted… I wanted to be the champion of that race and I felt something had been taken from me.
Now, I’m not so sure - I used to be absolutely certain (and often upset). Tracking my own physiology has changed my thinking. I’ll get to the physiology below. First, let’s consider the bigger picture.
With the benefit of time, I’ve had the opportunity to:
Redefine my game; and
See how life turned out (so far) for the win-at-all-costs players.
Time has shown me:
We don't need other people in our assessment of outcome.
The game isn’t over. I’m back racing and it is great. My past results don’t mean anything. It’s the ability to get out and compete “now” that brings me joy.
When I was younger, I thought a race, an event or a situation was “it.” I noticed that when I won, the happiness didn’t linger but I would quickly fixate on the next potential win.
I failed to see the time that lay in front of me and I didn’t realize there were many different games I would play.
The game of family is one of the themes of this publication. A strong family system is a 100-year game. The game of family is challenging, frustrating and extremely rewarding.
The family life of a win-at-all-costs player is usually a mess and many of them end up living alone.
Track your heroes over the long term.
Thinking back to what (I felt) was taken away from me…
What if… I simply lost on the day? The guy who beat me got pinged for testosterone. I was upset because of an assumption I made. I assumed the drugs had given him enough of an advantage to beat me.
Now I have a case study about the impact of testosterone levels… my own…
My testosterone is down 40% from 40 years old to 55 years old. Seems big.
My VO2max and performance have reduced by a fraction of my hormonal shift, roughly a 10% decline (see video below).
There’s much more going on than hormonal profiles1.
Another point I make to my SuperVet pals (who are chronically upset about enhanced peers)… almost everyone is finishing behind us. If the drugs worked so well, you’d think we’d be getting killed at our races. We aren’t. We remain competitive.2
We are competitive when we:
Do the work.
Choose games that fit our strengths.
Execute.
Sure we might not win the Tour de France3 but… that’s another game, with another set of rules, being played by athletes with a different culture.
If you realize your peers are playing a game that doesn’t fit your values… …get out. Each of us is free to change our game at any time.
Don’t let your ego lead you down a path that ends in ruin. More on that below.
Replacement
That first section was about enhancement for the purpose of winning athletic games. There are other enhancement examples:
Vanity - cosmetic surgery.
Financial wealth - leverage & other people’s money.
Victory - performance enhancing substances.
Where each of us falls on the discussion depends on our environment and culture. There’s a wide range of opinions across my peers and close friends. Sport claims to make it black & white. Real life is grey.
Replacement is an area I find interesting. I came at replacement from a direction where I have zero skin in the game - menopause. It’s a topic that’s rarely spoken about in my circle. Menopause sounds like a rough ride, and the quality of life impacts are material.4
Where do we stand on hormone replacement for quality of life?
Is it different than hormone enhancement, to override natural limits and win races?
I linked up a podcast in the footnotes that was an interesting listen. We each have to make up our own minds.
Things To Consider
Two episodes have influenced my personal choices with regard to enhancement and replacement.
Many years ago, a competitor of mine dropped dead during an intense workout. His heart stopped and they were not able to revive him. Absolute tragedy for his wife and young family. It shocked us. I’d raced him a number of times. He was a fierce competitor and a special athlete.
His family’s tragedy is part of the reason why I've been cautious on my return. I’ve dropped caffeine, choose my routes carefully and don’t opt-in to risk. If you’re considering using substances to override natural limits then there are more possible downsides than what you read on the label. This isn’t just drugs: stimulants, anger, fatigue, group training… are tools used by elite athletes that can screw up our lives in the real world.
With that in mind, if you’re thinking about cranking up your testosterone… there could be personality changes. That athlete I wrote about above (with the positive test) is one of several men I’ve watched blow up their families.
Looking Forward
I expect these choices will be more subtle, and accepted5, for my kids. The biotech of the future will be offering us even more ways we can modify ourselves. I hope this article helps you begin the process of thinking through how you will advise your family.
Tread carefully when tinkering with natural limits.
I’ve found my limits to be useful.
Body weight, beauty and financial wealth. Many are miserable because they are trying to win the “wrong” game. What’s the “right” game? We each need to decide for ourselves. Constantly striving for external approval is a sign we’re off track.
“Still competitive” - it was similar when we were racing elite. Sure there were gaps, and rumors, with certain athletes but, largely, we were able to compete and have fun competing.
I love the paradox of Lance’s speech. It’s a favorite quote. Floyd Landis is also a favorite rider. The tour stage victory that lead to his positive result is the greatest ride I’ve ever seen (TdF 2006, Stage 17). His quote, “I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist.”
To get you started here’s a podcast with a world masters champion (F60-64). The second half discusses menopause and HRT.
Many are “on the gear.” Society at large, accepts choices that are unacceptable in my peer group.
TRT is often a clever way of pretending to yourself you’re not cheating. I remember reading an interview with the renowned strength expert Charles Staley. He is totally against any form of doping, yet he admits that he is on TRT, and is „dialed in like an 18yr old“, and that it has made a massive difference to his training and feelings of well being. I can totally understand him, I dabbled with PEDs way back in the 90s, I experienced first hand the massive physiological changes and I also still consider it „the best drug I have ever tried“ in terms of feeling great. But „dialing yourself in like an 18yr old“ has nothing to do with TRT for medical reasons. Here in Germany, it would be near impossible to find a Dr. willing to prescribe, I think the recognized cutoff is around 200ng/dL, and anything regarded as performance enhancement is a serious crime these days. Yet my better half has been prescribed hormone therapy due to menopause….Sometimes, when my strength refuses to budge, I think about it. But not for long. It’s OK the way it is.
I was psyched to see perimenopause & menopause included in your discussion of this topic — thank you!