Choice Theory
Taking Ownership & Choosing Better
My favorite book of the year, so much practical advice inside.
Redirection Towards Action
When you notice the conversation (or your thought patterns) drifting into rehashing the past… ask, “What are you planning on doing today?”
Questions I use to redirect myself:
What’s important now?
Is anything important happening?
Interruptions are life knocking on the door (especially when I’m looking at a screen).
On Trauma
Take a ruthlessly honest view of where you focus. Keep bringing yourself back to the present, rather than the past.
Break the habit of renewing past trauma experiences.
There are many depressive behaviors reinforced by reliving trauma experiences and holding onto reminders of a painful past.
Come to the present.
Take positive action in the present.
Gain clarity on the filters that rule your life
We want filters that get us closer to the life we desire. We also want to surface filters that are moving us away from the life we desire.
Some examples from my experience:
Will this help me win an Ironman? I used this for many years as an elite athlete. It worked great for sport but I made no progress in human relationships until I let it go.
Will this strengthen my marriage? A good one when living in a house filled with little ones. There are many (seemingly small) decisions that impact this one. My favorite, is childcare should support the marriage.
What does this do to my personal financial wealth?
In finance, I worked with characters with lives ruled by this filter. Most of them made quite a bit of money. Many had personal lives that were a shambles.
I see the same thing in sport: personal health and relationships ruined by a filter that values winning races above all else.
Our lives are run by filters. Once you have surfaced your filter(s). Pause and consider…
Might this word, or action, repel what I want to attract?1
Go further, do I have a belief system that is consistent with the life I wish to create for myself?
Until we surface our beliefs and filters, our lives appear to be run by forces outside our control.
Many people are constantly filtering themselves away from the life they want for themselves. It can be difficult to break this habit - victory and money distracting us from building a life we deeply desire.
Everyone can change behavior, even the insane.
Pretend your important relationships are filled with the attributes that run your life. What does this mean?
If you can be kind to the rich, athletic or beautiful… you can be kind to everyone.
Go further, it’s not just kindness. We have the ability overcome seemingly deep emotions (anxiety for example).
Unsure of the attributes that currently run your life? It’s a bit like filters.
Pay attention to the people you aspire to be and those you desire for friendship. Who do you follow on social media? Who are your “drop everything” people?
Still unsure? Ask your closest friend.2
Drugs provide pleasure, for happiness we need people.
This was in the context of addiction.
I’ve found it applies more broadly into all areas of our lives and how we mislead ourselves. If you want to change the direction of your life then take opportunities to connect with people.
Depressive behaviors can be rational.
If you are a strong, high-energy male, then depressing yourself around small children can be a wise decision. However, don’t be surprised when constantly depressing yourself makes you miserable. A fair summary of a sizable chunk of my adult life.
The book contains other contexts for depressive actions being a rational course of action.
Lots more helpful stuff, and case studies, inside.
I wrote a series on Creating The Life Your Desire. It starts by knowing exactly what you want. Are you aware how often you take actions that move you away from your desired outcome? When building new habits, start small.
Here’s an article to help surface values: Victory & Vanity.
Powerful