Spending That Matters
Feeding Escapism vs Changing Reality
Last time we talked about establishing a Stress-Reduction budget. It was an extension of a habit of letting-things-happen.
From 15-40 years old, I saved half of what I earned. It made a big difference in my current life - primarily because my Core Capital enables me to live for “free.”
This process started small, a US$150,000 purchase of a house in Christchurch where I could rent spare rooms to my friends. It was a low-cost “home base” for a number of years. I could entertain my friends during the northern winter and the local Kiwis were welcoming.
The skills required to build financial capital are different than what’s required to preserve capital. Further, financial skills have little to do with what’s required to manage human capital.
I was fortunate to have a realization early in my (second) marriage. The realization concerned what was truly scarce:
Friends
Companionship
Shared Experiences
We are told to spend money on experiences but our conditioning leads us astray, by attracting us towards luxury experience.
The best friendships of my adult life have been strengthened by shared adversity. As endurance athletes, our adversity is self-inflicted.
Similarly, fatherhood is the most difficult thing I’ve yet to do. It’s a shared experience, with my wife, where the adversity has drawn us closer together.
To receive the benefits of a long-term relationship, we need to be in the relationship for a long time.
Sounds obvious.
It is not.
Luxury spending can be a distraction from the elephant in the room.
The elephant being a life structure that is unsustainable.
All the pictures in this article are from trips done “to escape”. In our case, we were escaping a house filled with little people. In retrospect, I feel happy looking at the pictures. I think that’s what the research picks up about shared experience.
But is leaving the kids behind the answer? Probably not.
The spending implied by the pictures is NOT what got us through the difficult bits of family life.
Looks great on Instagram.
Not the answer.
Seeking Escape
The desire “to escape” is common. I’ve found escapism links to my total stress load.
Collectively, we have socially acceptable ways to escape:
Illness
Paid Time Off
Sabbaticals
Family Leave
We also have hidden ways => self medication with drugs, fatigue and alcohol.
Why not deal with the root cause?
Escapism is a desire to ignore, evade or avoid the reality of our lives.
Wouldn’t it be more effective to modify the reality of our day-to-day life?
Spending That Changes Reality
Childcare
That lets me spend time with my spouse.
That lets me exercise consistently.
That keeps me well back from the edge.
In 2012, we went through a cash crunch. For a period, we were more than 100% invested in our local property market. We trimmed our discretionary spending but we kept spending on childcare.
My logic was… “we need to get through this difficult period and nothing helps our mental state more than consistent relief.”
We trained someone to put the kids to bed. Thereby making sure there was two nights a week where we didn’t get yelled at by a toddler.
At the peak, we had three kids under four years old. It wasn’t a convenient time for a cash crunch but financial difficulties are like that.
Childcare changed our reality.
Childcare benefited our marriage.
Childcare got us through to a better time.
Too many relationships don’t make it through the difficult times.
More generally…
What might change the reality of my daily life?
Exercise
Better Nutrition
Sleep
Less Avoidance via Self-Medication
Remove Situations that Bring Out My Worst
Let’s dig into that last one.
All I want to know is where I am going to die, so I’ll never go there.
Not just for death.
Here’s the perfect storm for me to meltdown. It’s a place I never wish to visit:
Driving
Bickering
Traffic
Fatigue
Hunger
Haven’t Exercised
I target my discretionary budget to avoid THAT situation.
Childcare
Driving Assistance
Healthy Food Choices
Removing Bickering
Preserving Unscheduled Time
I need to have the discipline to NEVER criticize someone who is helping me achieve my goals. The link goes back two weeks. Small habits can have wide uses.
Staying focused is a challenge.
The world has an unlimited appetite for spending I’m willing to finance.
The world’s appetite extends to my time.
My environment, culture and programming… nudge me towards luxury spending and “ease” as the answers to my “problems.”
My real problems are great. I’ve spent years improving them. What I need is the time, and headspace, to work on my problems.
My hope is this article will give you permission to think differently about spending.
We spend money differently than our demographic. This spending changes the reality of our home life, thereby benefiting our marriage.
Use spending to create space in daily living.
Use the space to work on interesting problems.
My environment, culture and programming… nudge me towards luxury spending and “ease” as the answers to my “problems.” -
WOW does this ever ring true!!
Reading your Substack is a great reminder that it’s okay to unplug from the pressure of thinking more is always better. Stay grounded!
"My real problems are great. I’ve spent years improving them. What I need is the time, and headspace, to work on my problems." Love this line Gordo, thanks for sharing.