Two weeks ago, Anthony de Mello popped up in two different places in my feed.
I was in the mood for something different and our local library had his book, Awareness, available. So glad I got the book.
After reading the library edition, I bought a copy and placed it my home collection for my kids (links to a thread of books I like).
I’m going to share two concepts from the book. You’ll find several dozen more if you get the book.
Renunciation
Many traditions support the concept of self-improvement via renunciation. I’ve never found renunciation works for me.
During my conversation with Rich Roll, we touched on addiction, compulsion and obsession.
In reply to an observation about letting go, I recommended we…
Start by replacing the behavior.
The reason I recommend replacement is the difficulty of transcendence. De Mello explains the source of my difficultly.
From page 15…
Anytime you renounce something, you are tied forever to the thing you renounce.
and..
Understand it’s true value and you won’t need to renounce it; it will just drop from your hands.
So, to the extent that we are obsessed with something, we haven’t understood the obsession.
This insight applies to very basic obsessions of mine - foods, habits and desires.
Give myself a higher goal.
Look deeply into whether the obsession supports my goal.
Become more aware.
The obsession falls away.
With the goal chosen wisely, this is a powerful insight.
This observation also applies to people, specifically toxic relationships. To free ourselves from the negative consequences of the relationship, we need to look deeply into its true value. When we see the true value, it becomes easier to let it go.
Habits
Relationships
Websites
Time Allocations
All opportunities to practice this technique.
Hate and Fear
Think of someone, or something, that triggers a feeling of hate.
De Mello writes… the source of hate is fear. He goes further and notes we hate what we fear. To see clearly, we must become aware of the nature of this fear.
Nearly all of my fears, are rooted in the past. Fears given to a child who’s now a man. Fears of a man, who often wonders why he got so mad at something.
It can be uncomfortable to look that deeply, that far back. To fears that we’ve been carrying around since childhood.
If we can identify the fear then we can do something about it and release ourselves from the hate.
To illustrate his point, de Mello writes…
Would we go to a doctor for him to prescribe medicine for our neighbor?
…then why would be expect a change in another person’s behavior to improve negative feelings we are experiencing within ourselves?
Lollapalooza Effects
I found the above at different ends of the book.
Combining the two insights reminded me of a success I had at overcoming a number of challenges within my family system.
By understanding childhood fears
…that have no basis in current reality…
I released the source of my hate.
…and was able to let go of the past.
There was nothing to renunciate, because the entire situation disappeared from my reality.
I was left with feeling of relief and freedom.
If you struggle with forgiveness then start here.
Thanks for sharing this one Gordo. Looks like you found a string you can pull on for a while with Anthony de Mello. I've had his The Way to Love in my backpack for over a year. Short read, but I haven't picked it up fully yet.